Life Support Christian Counseling Center

Love is an action more than words it can be proved by what you do. If you're not sure schedule a time alone with your wife and talk sincerely with her about your doubts, watch her action and a tuthful, impatial unpier can help you clarify your doubt.

No I don't believe in divorce, God hates divorce and everything proves that divorce does more harm than good to both parties involved and especially to the children... There are one or two grounds under which divorce may be allowed however.

_TopMan

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_How do I protect myself from Divorce?

I have a great fear that I will someday be divorced. I have been through it with my parents and watched several of my uncles and aunts. It is very hard on every body. I’d rather not get married than to run that risk. How do I protect myself from divorce?

_KB, Houston, TX

Dear KB,

The Scriptures says: "Fear, has torment." You have to cast away your fear by taking the bull by the horn. You can never change what you are not willing to confront, and it is time to change by dealing with this monster that has tormented your family and loved ones for so long. Yes statistics prove that a child whose family has gone through divorce has a tendency to also not marry or if they do, to also divorce.

However, I want to agree with what the word of God says concerning you that you are unique and your case is different. Go to work and find out what are the factors that contributed to your parent’s and loved ones divorce? Then begin to work with determination and the help of God on how to avoid them, begin to desire a fulfilling, functional and healthy family. If you really want it, you can have it with the help of God.

_TopMan

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_How do we revitalize our love?

My husband and I love each other very much, but we’re going through a time of apathy. We just don’t feel close to each other. Is this normal, and is there a way to bring back the fire?

_N, Baltimore, MD

Dear N,

It’s good to hear that you still love each other. However I’d like you to realize that love can fade if we don’t cultivate it deliberately. Also, we do get tired of each other sometimes. You may need a break from each other, like taking a weekend trip away from each other may revitalize your passion. You can also plan a surprise for your husband, or plan a holiday together - a changed environment could do the magic. Above all, keep hope alive and continue loving each other.

_TopMan

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_I am just a piece of decoration in the house.

Dear Topman, I and O have been married for just a little over 2 years. The last one year has been one of physical abuse. Now, he hardly talks to me. I am just a piece of decoration in the house; I can’t cope any longer. Please what should I do?

_AO, London, UK

Dear AO,

I suggest you make one more effort at reaching your husband. Start a conversation by changing your approach, find a conducive time and initiate the discussion humbly by reminding him of the good old days which you missed a lot. Let him know that you are willing to do anything for a change and politely challenge him to do the same. If you do not get a positive response, it’s time to look for help outside.

Find someone he respects, your pastor, or a mentor that you both respect, confide in them to intervene, a counselor may help only if he will be willing; but the first option might reach him more. The manner of your question gives me the impression that you are still interested, however you need to be sure he is still interested in the relationship too, this will show you the way forward.

_TopMan

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_Marriage is Good For Men

How is marriage good for men?

_Anonymous

Married men – regardless of age, race, income, or education – consistently have been found to be healthier than men who are single, divorced, or widowed. This so-called “marriage benefit” begins to kick in right after the wedding, then builds

Husbands ages 18 to 44 are strikingly healthier than bachelors of same age. At every age, in fact, marriage not only protects men’s health but also prolongs their lives.

Gail Sheehy, Parade Magazine

_TopMan

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_My daughter is developing a problem with lying.

My daughter is developing a problem with lying; she is using some profanity language too. She is only six and recently she started being obsessed about having a boyfriend. I am scared of what these all might lead to, what can I do please?

_Ashley, Jackson, MS

Dear Ashley,

First of all, switch off the TV. I think she is watching too much junk on the TV and it seems to me that you don’t monitor her on this. Next use wisdom to check out her friends and who she often conversed with. If this trait is unique to her alone apart from her other siblings you have work to do right quick and not with her alone but most importantly with yourself also.

It is very likely that you or other adult of very close and significant relationship to her are doing these things thus influencing her. Do you lie to her? Do you lie in her presence? Do you ask her to lie for you? Kids learn by observation you see and they mirror the adults around them. It is not too late, get to work quickly.

_TopMan

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_My Husband and his ex-girlfriend still much in touch

My husband and his ex-girlfriend are still so much in touch. She calls his mobile and our home phone even at odd hours. They stay on the phone for so long and sometimes, I eat my dinner alone or go to bed while they while they are still on the phone. Each time I express my discomfort on their closeness, he tells me they are just friends and there is nothing more to it. Should I talk to her? I can’t hold my temper for too long.

_Mary, Queens, NY

Dear Mary,

Talking to her or not may neither help you much. The problem is more with your husband than with her because he is the one you are relating with. You need to be firm with your husband and let him know that he has to choose between you and this distraction to your marriage. You probably have been tolerating and thereby encouraging him to continue too many. If you and his marriage are more important to him, he will decide.

Marriage is about commitment and relationship between two people not three.

_TopMan

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_My husband comes home drunk every night.

My husband comes home drunk every night. While intoxicated, he curses me and our 3 boys, quite often, he abuses us physically. The next morning, he apologizes and asks for forgiveness. We live every day in fear of what he will do when he returns home.

This has been going on for 10 years. I have tried every thing possible but nothing seems to be working. I know what the Bible teaches about divorce but I can’t take these anymore. Please advice me.

_L.S, Memphis, TN

Dear L.S,

Your voice sounds so pathetic and my heart bleeds for you, not so much for you as for those poor 3 little boys even though you did not reveal their age. You must be really strong to have put up with this for 10 years. You didn’t disclose too if you married your husband as a Christian or not. However, you need to take action quick for the sake of those boys; staying on in an abusive marriage situation for the sake of keeping it going or not divorcing is not the intention of God.

The lives of those kids are being destroyed gradually. Without your knowing it, your condoning your husband’s irresponsibility’s has encouraged him to continue... He will apologize anyway and he’s sure you will forgive. You as an adult can cope with him, what about those kids. It’s time you stand up by confronting your husband. Let him know that enough is enough in destroying your kids, if he can not get his acts together; you are ready to move on with your kids. Merely hearing this may work with some men, knowing and seeing deliberate actions may be what will work with others.

Leaving an abusive situation to save the future of your kids is not the same as divorce. Do you have a pastor? Find help quick with fellow Christians.

_TopMan

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_My husband is insensitive to my needs.

My husband is somewhat insensitive to my needs, but I believe he is willing to do better if I can effectively communicate my feelings to him. What can we do to improve communication between us?

_AK

Dear AK,

I am glad you know the right path to resolving your marital problem. Communicating the right way has solved many problems between couples. You will need to find the conducive opportunity to let your husband know that communication is lacking in your relationship. Once you succeed in letting him realize this, go ahead and suggest proactive ways and times you can create to communicate like taking a walk together, helping him with washing his car, fixing the Garage while you talk. Watching a movie together, cooking, driving etc. All these are only suggestions, but do allow his input and suggestions too. The best way and time to communicate is when you are doing what you both enjoy doing preferably, together.

_TopMan

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_My Husband Talks to His Ex-Girlfirends

I have expressed to my husband on more than one occasion that I will not stand for him to talk to his ex-girlfriends any more. We separated because he went too far emotionally with two of them (one he was going to meet up with and the other he said he was falling in love with).

Since then I have been back for almost 3 months and discovered that he was talking with a different ex of his. When I confronted him he said that he had not seen her since I had been back, but that they only conversate. He insists that they are only friends. He broke and threw his phone away and asked for us to try to see if he were to not have a phone if we could work it out that way. I am at my witts end with this and feel very disrespected. It has been 4 days since I confronted him and he told me to let it go and move forward and that if I wanted to be mad that I need to be mad by myself and leave him out of it.

What is the next step to letting him know and get him to understand that this is a big deal to me? Me leaving for a few months did nothing but make him do it all over again.

_Shel, Memphis

Dear Shel,

am very sorry for the experience you're having with your husband. From your expression I doubt if your husband understand what the marriage commitment actually entail hence he keep braking your heart. However, I must tell you one truth...you can never change another person no matter how hard you tried, you can only change yourself and the other person will be forced to change.

Your husband probably know that you're not strong enough to stand up to him; it will be up to you to prove that. I hope I have reached you a little? Feel free to let me know how you are doing. Are you a born again Christian Bible believer? how about your husband? do you have a church that you both belong as commited members? how long have you been married?

May the Lord give you peace.

_TopMan

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_Our sex life is like a "Silent Movie."

I and my husband have been married for 5 years but our sex life is like a 'silent movie.' Not a word was ever spoken. Is it common for a husband and wife never to talk about sex?

_CA, Brooklyn, NY

Dear CA,

The answer is neither yes nor no. We all grew from a background that treats talking about sex as a taboo, but today we know factually that sex and money are the two major causes of problem in marriages; so why not talk about it to reduce the problem. You must also know that the way men are wired is more of the action than the talking regarding sex, whereas a woman is not romantically attuned without talking.

Find a good time to let your husband know how you feel, let him know that he will enjoy you more sexually if you both add talking to what you do, a loving husband wants to do anything more to enjoy his sexual relationship with his wife. You may watch some movies together and talk about it for a start; however in a healthy marriage relationship the issue is not talking about sex alone, but about everything.

_TopMan

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